Finally free

When I look back upon 2010, specifically the way I was crashing through the warning signs with the greatest of ease, I absolutely love my energy. And I embrace and forgive myself for all the wrong choices, the times I kept my mouth shut when I shouldn’t have, the times I wish I did.

I said goodbye to a few people, and didn’t regret it. Some, like my Dad, I wish I didn’t have to. I finally overcame the fear that grabs me when I speak up for myself, that weak-minded second-guessing voice.

I told off a friend who’d overstepped her bounds for the last time. She went on a campaign of character assassination, true to her reputation, but I sloughed it off and shut that voice for good.

And I got over the guilt of dumping a long-time friend. We’d grown too far apart, she’d made a critically careless error in judgment, and I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug.

Its part of growth. You reach forward, make mistakes, and move on. Sometimes, the “moving on” part takes time, and you then need to be gentle with yourself, as was the case recently when I realized I needed to truly release a past lover who I was bitter over. My refusal to let him go caused me over a year in grief, in pursuing men just as emotionally unavailable as him, but it ended up with a reward: the releasing of this pain. I am a flawed person, but I love myself.

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About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Animal rescue, lover of strong coffee.
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