Demi & Ashton, cougars & cubs

When I first saw these two together, I must admit I swooned. I also felt vindicated, validated, as if women who love younger men everywhere had an icon.

I was married when these two got hitched, then divorced. And I became drawn into a May-December romance of my own. He was 15 years younger than I, and it was irresistible. To catch the eye of a younger, hot man was a tonic to my famished soul. Exuberant about life, he showed me to enjoy the moment and not think too hard. He gave this Stella her groove back.
My mistake was not enjoying it for what it was, and falling too hard, hoping and expecting him to fill up the parts of me that I desperately needed to be. He backed away, and then I saw he was using me. He aggressively sought me out when he thought I would do what he wanted, he craved a mothering figure, openly despising younger women because they lacked the attention he wanted.
Breaking up with him tore my soul apart. I did not recognize the person that was left. In my further experiences with dating the younger man, I was left feeling like I had become a commodity, an exotic fruit, an experiment. Because I went in telling myself that I wanted a real relationship, but I didn’t. I wanted someone who could take away my hurt, but I later learned that I had to heal that myself. And in doing do, I changed. In my frantic rush to capture the attentions of someone new, I was becoming a slave to the new ideal of beauty, the never-ending chase to package myself and compete with other women seeking out similar attentions. This is what I also saw in Demi, who put herself to the knife to keep up, but also keep him.
When I left that world of craziness behind, I was being more authentic with myself. Because there are days when I’m going to wake up looking horrible, or be sick, and I can’t allow myself to worry if my guy is going to look for someone else just because I’m not on. He needs to have my back.

And from his point of view, is it fair to expect him to not have any of his own children? My ex and I were close in age, and we saw eye to eye on many issues. And we both wanted a child, which we had. We remain good friends to this day, and our conversations are filled with belly laughs, mutual kvetching, it’s a camaraderie I wouldn’t expect now from a younger dude. It’s not fair too.


About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Pet sitter, lover of strong coffee.
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