Freed

I got a note in my box from someone I’ve been at odds with for awhile. I was holding onto this resentment & letting it fester. My reasons were just enough.
She betrayed me on a deep level, and it hurt so much and was a surprise. I confronted her immediately, but she begged off responsibility and issued an ultimatum, cowardly and cheap.
I was recovering at home from being beaten up, on pain meds, and had told her I needed to take a break. She decided that wasn’t good enough.
Well, the way this worked out was I told her our friendship was over, and went into a small high, then a crashing depression that lasted until 2 days ago when I got her note.
She was happy, giddy, clueless. I had thought that certainly the blame, the casual tossing out of such a hurtful event in my life would indicate a cruel nature, an underlying anger towards me. But, no.
I finally let go, and informed her of how her actions had hurt me, and what I was going through at the time. And that I could never trust her again. I wasn’t nasty, I was plain and straight to the point.
She actually took it well, praised me highly and wished me the best. Confused, a little guilty, I thought upon this. This ended pretty well, in fact I felt good inside! Why???
But my answer was simple. She didn’t value my shared confidence; that’s why it was so easily bandied about at a party. She didn’t mean any ill will, but the meaning I held for what I told her was held as a juicy bit, and she reacted like a defensive teenager when confronted. How could I remain angry at that? Clearly the significance of what close friendship means is as different as night and day. Now if only I had known that before.
I feel so freed now, the anger, depression and guilt have slid away. Where before I was convinced that she had it out to get me, I now see that was not the case at all. Five seconds after she had hung up the phone, she was onto something else. Lesson learned: don’t hold onto resentment. You can’t soar with a millstone in your gut.

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About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Animal rescue, lover of strong coffee.
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