It’s frustrating to me when I think that I brought cold, abusive, contemptible people into my life. That many of the men I had dated weren’t accidents. I was on a mission of self-destructiveness. It was when I broke the chain, finally got healthy and started telling them off that I realized I was in a smarter place.
It hurts that many of the friends I had during this time also weren’t helpful for me. I welcomed in folks that wanted to stay out all might yet had no clue or care that I had to be up in the early morning for a child. I was lost, they were, too. We were all lost together. It’s fine that they had their own lives, but I needed to set a boundary and just not go along with it. And when I did, the questioning that went on! What suddenly happened to the girl who was always good for a laugh and a drink? In short order, she grew up.
I’m not bitter or angry, and that’s a miracle because I usually obsess over people and events, and love the feeling of entitlement to anger or of being wronged. I want to put a facade on the other person as if they are the monster. But in reality, there’s only you and me and we just disagree. No bad guys, no good guys.
And I’m at peace.