Orphaned Adult

It happened a little over two weeks ago. My mother, after a complicated recovery from heart surgery, passed away suddenly in a nursing home, after just being there for several days. 

She went into the hospital while I was on vacation in Florida in April. I got the call, but was told not to come back because she was going to just have a simple procedure. Well, two days after that I found out the procedure was not going to happen as her condition was much more grave. 

Basically, my brother was given a decision: either let my mom pass away naturally, or go through open heart surgery. He opted for the surgery, naturally, because who would let their mom die right? 

I’m going to spare you too many details, but essentially she had a very bad recovery. She had a stroke right after the operation, and for two months was unable to communicate with us. In fact, she was in varying stages of a coma. And she was shuttled to different treatment centers. 

Along the way, she developed MRSA, an infected chest incision, and a back bed sore.  She also had to be fed by a PEG tube, and needed breathing support. 

I have come to find out quite a lot about the medical industry, and it’s incredible bungling in handling the elderly. Breaks my heart to know that my mother lived as a strong woman, and it died so weak in bed. 

I could give all the reasons as to how she ended up there, but right now I just know that I am in incredible pain. It would be unfair to speak ill of the dead. It’s incredibly strange that I just come home from work, and I just sit. It’s like I just can’t believe it. And it’s not just the loss of a parent, it’s the loss now of both. 

There is no experience quite as stunning as one there is nothing wear something has always been. – The Orphaned Adult

I know in my heart, but I want to get back to life. I have a lot more time now. I want to get back to going back to the gym, lose all this excess stress weight I’ve been carrying around worrying about her and filling out endless paperwork. I’ll get there.

But I am acutely aware of how alone I am. And how alone I feel. I was a very lucky person when my daughter was young, because I could count on my mother to watch her when I was going to work. My father was also there. I can’t tell you how much Family means to me. Now it’s just myself, my brother, my sister, and my daughter. It’s almost too painful to speak of.

People at work were so supportive and they are in my immediate time of grief. I still get people walking up to my desk. But then one friend told me that three months I’m really going to feel it. I don’t doubt it for a second.

I know how lucky of been that she’s been there my whole life. Just like my father. I’ve met people who’ve had to bury parents when they were themselves just beginning their adulthood. Or in the case of my ex-husband, at 9. 

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About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Animal rescue, lover of strong coffee.
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