I was reading about grief the other day, and finally found a definition to cover what I’ve been going through…complicated grief.

It’s multiple deaths in a short period of time. For me, it’s not that, I am relatively at peace with all of them, it’s the silence. The quiet, the freedom. And it’s not a happy place.

It’s what Yentl was singing about when her father died: Papa can you hear me?

And laments about how the night is darker, the world has changed and she is all alone.

I am so thankful to have my brother. I don’t know how I would cope with the holidays if I had no other family.

A former boss said that the hardest thing about getting older is the funerals. And the realization that your number is ascending closer to the top (end of the line).

I just know that I am finding it hard to adjust to a new reality where the people I loved are no longer there to communicate with. And…the guilt.

Mom, I miss our talks. Dad, I miss bringing you things while you watched Sunday football. Missy, I miss talking & seeing you. Steve, I miss our wonderful talks, the laughs and being parents together.

I want to believe that we will see each other again one day.


About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Pet sitter, lover of strong coffee.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s