Complicated…

I was reading about grief the other day, and finally found a definition to cover what I’ve been going through…complicated grief.

It’s multiple deaths in a short period of time. For me, it’s not that, I am relatively at peace with all of them, it’s the silence. The quiet, the freedom. And it’s not a happy place.

It’s what Yentl was singing about when her father died: Papa can you hear me?

And laments about how the night is darker, the world has changed and she is all alone.

I am so thankful to have my brother. I don’t know how I would cope with the holidays if I had no other family.

A former boss said that the hardest thing about getting older is the funerals. And the realization that your number is ascending closer to the top (end of the line).

I just know that I am finding it hard to adjust to a new reality where the people I loved are no longer there to communicate with. And…the guilt.

Mom, I miss our talks. Dad, I miss bringing you things while you watched Sunday football. Missy, I miss talking & seeing you. Steve, I miss our wonderful talks, the laughs and being parents together.

I want to believe that we will see each other again one day.

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About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Animal rescue, lover of strong coffee.
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