Aching and grieving

I tried. It wasn’t mine to make up for, but her brusque manner coupled with my nervousness n neediness made it a perfect recipe for my destruction. However, after last week, officially a week ago, I began to let go.

When she didn’t show for jury duty lunch….it hurt. Later that day when the passive aggressive tweets began, I felt like I was living back in her house again and she had jerked the closed door open, ignoring my privacy. It was jarring, abusive.

My brother urged me not to respond. But I unfollowed her. She’s still writing zingers. All because I won’t give her attention. I just can’t go back to that place, that hurt. That fear, the anxiety had me unable to sleep or eat and she’s relentless.

When I am without her, I am at peace. I feel my world working right.

But tonight I had to admit I am mourning what was. We had a good long run. But I cannot welcome back someone who took a friendship with my daughter and ruined it. She hurt my baby, and I can’t forgive that. I am mad that I was weak, but I need to be free of her hooks & control.

We were like sisters.

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About downszdiva

Freelance writer, blogger, foodie. Ph ilosopher, Jersey girl (not to be confused with the 'shore'). Pet sitter, lover of strong coffee.
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