Challenges

Well today I almost lost it in the store when I got hungry. I wanted something sweet, a dessert. But I grabbed a Tofutti and went home. 

  1. I became flummoxed when I needed a hair spray. Where the hell do I get organic hair spray? These weren’t questions I asked myself a week ago. 
  2. Started watching Fed Up, Hungry for Change, and May I be Frank. One thing I’m sure I have as an issue is sugar. Though I’ve been cutting down on it. Still feeling twitchy. 
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Going clean 4 days in

Yesterday, in addition to the weakness I’ve felt, I had a migraine (aura) late in the day. My brother has advised me to get Gatorade zero because I need to boost my electrolytes. I feel so good, but also weird. Brain fog, a little twitchy and cranky. I’ve cut my sugar way tell down and my body is rebelling. 

I also had a crying jag yesterday. It was major. In the past year, I hadn’t grieved over losses. I was being too rigid. 

Gas is a daily occurrence. Thunder from down under. I don’t miss the trips to Starbucks for an artisan fatso sandwich. Lol. 

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Eating clean

It’s the second day of eating clean. Feeling dizzy, a little weak above my eyebrows, and have been making more frequent trips to the bathroom, especially for #1. 

At dinner, I was amazed how full I felt. Made a lime-curry Thai noodle soup. I understand now why they call Whole Foods whole pay check. 

I really hope I take off some weight this week. I’m not going to harp on the past, but I’m pumped for the future.  

 
Here’s to a new year 2016!

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Philosophizing in Starbucks

I’ve kinda made a change this Lent.  Decided to go Facebook – free and have kept my promise,  mostly.  I’ve had to boast post when my daughter made the honor roll for the first time and her basketball team won their championship game.  Both times,  I asked myself am I just being part of the meeeee first culture,  or is this a genuine time to let it out. Since I have been pretty depressed this winter,  lacking in good fortune and being stuck,  I figured it was time. 
I am reading a great book,  similar to Wild.  It’s titled Walking Home by Sonia Choquette, and in it she says a very powerful prayer,  one of releasing a lot of negativity,  and an intention to release past tensions, things,  relationships.  I felt so moved that I recited it as well,  and felt something fundamentally move inside, a shift.  And I did a few things that sorely needed doing. 
I left a very unsatisfying part time job that was under paying me,  undermining my potential,  and creating a rivalry between a close friend.  Out. Done. 
Then I cut loose a co-worker I was carpooling with.  He was not paying me and being disrespectful by repeatedly telling me last about changes in his schedule,  leaving me to wait. There’s a personal aside to this as well.  He had abused our friendship and kept trying to manipulate me into being a

side piece.  So,  I shut that door fast. 
I’ve made some inroads towards things I want to do,  like writing,  submitting a post for publication (and getting turned down).
So I’m really relating to this book,  and this woman’s search for a more spiritual path.  I am on my own as well. 

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Just pissed

I’m cranky.  And I got a slight chest pain.  I said I didn’t care Amr the Superbowl, but I’m wrong.  I hate the fact that the Patriots cheated in the playoffs and then won the Superbowl by again,  cheating on the last few minutes.  I hate that they celebrate a QB who left his former gf pregnant and then went on to marry a self-centered model who consistently blamed the
team for her hubby not winning. 
And why does all of this get to me?  Because I live my life honestly.  And I believe in integrity and strength. And this isn’t reflected in the world I live in.  It’s a hard place when you see others around you bending and conniving things, and they get the recognition,  but you get the shaft. Just cranky tonight. 

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Food pushers

image

See this?  This is what happens when others know (in this case a co-worker) that I’m on a plan.  You get the pushy food pushers. It’s ironic that this one’s just so happens to be someone who also goes to the gym at work with me.  So,  she says have a cookie.  I politely refuse.  Then,  she insists.  It turns into an awkward dance, and I take one.  As you can see in the photo above,  that’s what I did with it. Into the garbage, without a second thought of guilt or obligation.  And you should,  too.
Isn’t it ironic that when we’re needing the support the most,  along comes trouble? 
And don’t you know,  this same person came along later & asked how I liked it? Mmmhmmm. I said it was good.  But,  in the future,  I’m going to emphasize that I am not eating even just one of whatever unhealthy fare I’m offered.  My body is not a garbage machine.  I’m not going to take the leftovers.  No,  what I plan on leaving at the table is my sciatica, back aches,  stomach bulge,  and feeling faint.  Yeah, that’s going away as I embrace healthier habits. Amen.

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New beginning

I want this to be the year I stop wearing spanx. Omg, I must’ve went to at least 3 parties over the holidays that had me in pain because of those stupid undergarments.  I even tore one off myself in the supermarket yesterday. Slammed it in my purse,  and kept shopping. I’m impatient,  I’m on fire.  I’m on the 6th day of my clean eating start to the New Year.  This is 2015, the year
of my foot kicking the ass of my excuses. I have to say,  eating clean is a gastronomic conversion. I have felt like there has been gravel in my gut,  and I am shocked how much I like a breakfast shake.  It’s really filling. All these new foods to try.  I am feeling a lot more energy. 

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